Earthquakes, Gigantic Cockroaches & Aliens

The day I was born there was a HUGE earthquake, my mother didn’t even have a chance to touch me before the earth jolted. She always said I was destined for great things because I literally shook the world as I was born.

I, on the other hand saw it as how the world branded me with the fear of earthquakes. To this day I will still have a panic attack and start crying if there is an earthquake. And yes, I am aware I am a 25 year old adult.

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Besides earthquakes, I also have a fear of gigantic cockroaches and ALIENS! Lets just say the movie The Fourth Kind scarred me for the rest of my life; I can’t even look at owls without the hair on my neck standing up. (I was totally going to add an alien gif, but freaked out once I started searching for them HA)

We all have ridiculous things we are afraid of; my boyfriend (as tough as he acts) cannot be within a mile of a spider. I am the certified spider killer in the house, along with Sushi the cat but, he mostly just tries to make them his friends.

Other than all these not so scary, but yet I am terrified of things, I recently realized something else that I was terrified of was……

PEOPLE THINKING THAT I HAVE FAILED IN LIFE!!!

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Recently going through some self recovery and changes in my life, I realized that I am terrified of everyone knowing that I did not graduate college and I am not living a fabulous life working in the fashion industry.

I do not post links to this blog on social media and I have not started my Youtube make-up tutorials because of this fear. I do want to blame social media, everyone and their mama showing off their lives of luxury and vacationing. I on the other had do my best to never leave the house and try to order everything I need off of Amazon, Ubereats and Postmates. If you do glance at my social media you will see the basic cat pictures and the wanna be positive life posts ( I have become one of those!!!)

Anyway, I was a very intelligent individual back in the day, everyone thought of me as excelling in life and living all my dreams! Now I am a 25 year old, NOT living the life of luxury and not where I expected to be. I imagined myself living in a fabulous loft in Downtown Los Angeles with a beautiful city view, spending my weekends wine tasting at some hipster art show and of course surrounded with an equally artistic group of adorned friends.

So, that is totally NOT where I am not right now in life but I have matured and grown a whole bunch and I can say that I am very happy with where I am now. Its the little things that make my days, fresh coffee in my turquoise Keurig, the happy chirps of my two cats, the sunlight that peaks in through my backdoor, waking up every morning next to the love of my vida. I have realized that it isn’t the material things and showing them off to everyone in life, boasting about how much money I have and driving a fancy car (but I do love my 2016 Lexus lol)

I can actually say that right now at 2:54pm on February 2, 2018 I am the happiest and most content with myself. I only have 1 friend right now and thats ok, it calms me knowing that I don’t have to have a lunch date with someone and just talk over each other about how fabulous everything is going right now in life. Even though I have accepted where I am at and I am happy, but I still can’t find the courage to show that to the world over social media. I know its not mandatory but I would love this blog to be read by others and not just myself.

If you have believe that you have failed then granted you have. But if you are happy and believe that there is no failure and just take that ugly word out of your personal dictionary, I can totally vouch that you will live a happier better life. It’s ok to be terrified of earthquakes, cockroaches and aliens, but NEVER be scared of how others view you. It will eat you up alive.

 

 

Samiekatt 

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A Walk Down Memory Lane for a Once Inspired Writer

Every so often I rummage through old boxes of cobwebs to look for some long lost treasure of old Deco Markers or an artist colored pencil set; today I found the treasure of all treasures….. A personal notebook filled with teen angst and puberty poetry.

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Known as Samie Katt since 2007 haha

I read a particular excerpt I wrote on July 11, 2007 at 15 almost 16 years old and I cannot believe how much more I relate to it now being 24 years old than I did at 15.

Lately I have been having a beginning of life crisis (what I like to call it) as to what I am doing with my life and where am I headed for this bleak looking future of mine. This juvenile passage brought a smile to lips in the sense that I cannot believe that this came from a naive teen who though 21 was old. I admit I was going through some rough spots back then, but nothing compared to the crucial times of a 24 year old trying to figure out the rest of her life.

So here I present to you a Samie Katt original, never read by anyone but me.

Remember the good old days of being a kid

When it didn’t matter what you said or did

You didn’t care about your height or weight

Your heart was fragile but would never break

You never felt the pain of losing someone

All that mattered was just having fun

It didn’t matter what you looked like or what you would wear

You could act like a dork and no one would care

It didn’t matter when they told you that you would never fly

You’d just imagine what it would be like to be in the sky

You played until the day turned to night

The dark was your only fright

You laughed until your sides were sore

Life was good what more could you ask for

You didn’t have the problems you have today

Like boys, parents, and the mean things people say

You found beauty in every little thing

From rocks, to dirt, even the feather of a birds wing

What would I give to go back to the day

When we were happy and all we did was play

Now they’re just memories lost in our head

Every laugh, every step, every word that was said

Remember the good old days of being a kid

When it didn’t matter what you said or did………

Quit Your Day Job …… (I Wish)

Working for an established big company is the most rewarding job ever!

NOT!!

Some people are born to work for others and others are born to work for themselves. I did not realize this until my third job. It has been 7 years of working for big companies and on my third year of my current job it finally hit me why I am so unhappy. I hate working for others. I have a bad habit of putting my heart and soul into these jobs that just take me for granted and use me for their advantage. I have sleepless nights of worrying about the issues at work, I downloaded Outlook for work on my iPhone and monitor all the emails coming in and answer questions while I’m eating cereal on a Sunday morning. BUT I am not getting paid for it. 

I have had my hair fall out in clumps, breakouts all over my body, anxiety attacks, bathroom break cries for a job that pays me way below the pay scale of my duties. My boyfriend always tells me to stop going above and beyond on everything because my bosses have gotten used to it. I can’t help it, I was born a natural over achiever! I want to be the best ALL the time!

I was brought up on such a creative background, with a strong moral upbringing. Being told never to let anyone run you over and make you feel inferior. Now being 24 I have realize that I have forgotten all this and became someone I promised myself I would never be. 

I never wanted to be that person that was married to their job unless it was something that I have created from scratch. I believe my issue is that I want perfection all the time and if I stray away from a solid Monday through Friday job and on to the unknown I won’t have the control of not failing and I hate FAILING. 

As a teen I always pictured my life as graduating FIDM, creating my own clothing line and becoming as big and successful as Forever 21. Living in a loft with sky-high ceilings with my 2 cats, and spending my weekends photographing the life of Los Angeles. But those were just dreams. I am now an involuntary college drop out, with 2 cats, working a Monday-Friday job, that I have to meditate my mind away from thinking about on my days off.

I am so unhappy….

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As a firm believer as the Law of Attraction and manifestation, I know that I create the life I live. I need to burst that barrier of fear of failure and strive for my dreams! Or as my dad would say, “Stop whining unless you’re going to do something about it!” Let’s hope my next post is about how I have accomplished all my dreams, and am a successfull multimillionaire. HA

Until next time,

♥ Samie Katt ♥