The day I was born there was a HUGE earthquake, my mother didn’t even have a chance to touch me before the earth jolted. She always said I was destined for great things because I literally shook the world as I was born.
I, on the other hand saw it as how the world branded me with the fear of earthquakes. To this day I will still have a panic attack and start crying if there is an earthquake. And yes, I am aware I am a 25 year old adult.
Besides earthquakes, I also have a fear of gigantic cockroaches and ALIENS! Lets just say the movie The Fourth Kind scarred me for the rest of my life; I can’t even look at owls without the hair on my neck standing up. (I was totally going to add an alien gif, but freaked out once I started searching for them HA)
We all have ridiculous things we are afraid of; my boyfriend (as tough as he acts) cannot be within a mile of a spider. I am the certified spider killer in the house, along with Sushi the cat but, he mostly just tries to make them his friends.
Other than all these not so scary, but yet I am terrified of things, I recently realized something else that I was terrified of was……
PEOPLE THINKING THAT I HAVE FAILED IN LIFE!!!
Recently going through some self recovery and changes in my life, I realized that I am terrified of everyone knowing that I did not graduate college and I am not living a fabulous life working in the fashion industry.
I do not post links to this blog on social media and I have not started my Youtube make-up tutorials because of this fear. I do want to blame social media, everyone and their mama showing off their lives of luxury and vacationing. I on the other had do my best to never leave the house and try to order everything I need off of Amazon, Ubereats and Postmates. If you do glance at my social media you will see the basic cat pictures and the wanna be positive life posts ( I have become one of those!!!)
Anyway, I was a very intelligent individual back in the day, everyone thought of me as excelling in life and living all my dreams! Now I am a 25 year old, NOT living the life of luxury and not where I expected to be. I imagined myself living in a fabulous loft in Downtown Los Angeles with a beautiful city view, spending my weekends wine tasting at some hipster art show and of course surrounded with an equally artistic group of adorned friends.
So, that is totally NOT where I am not right now in life but I have matured and grown a whole bunch and I can say that I am very happy with where I am now. Its the little things that make my days, fresh coffee in my turquoise Keurig, the happy chirps of my two cats, the sunlight that peaks in through my backdoor, waking up every morning next to the love of my vida. I have realized that it isn’t the material things and showing them off to everyone in life, boasting about how much money I have and driving a fancy car (but I do love my 2016 Lexus lol)
I can actually say that right now at 2:54pm on February 2, 2018 I am the happiest and most content with myself. I only have 1 friend right now and thats ok, it calms me knowing that I don’t have to have a lunch date with someone and just talk over each other about how fabulous everything is going right now in life. Even though I have accepted where I am at and I am happy, but I still can’t find the courage to show that to the world over social media. I know its not mandatory but I would love this blog to be read by others and not just myself.
If you have believe that you have failed then granted you have. But if you are happy and believe that there is no failure and just take that ugly word out of your personal dictionary, I can totally vouch that you will live a happier better life. It’s ok to be terrified of earthquakes, cockroaches and aliens, but NEVER be scared of how others view you. It will eat you up alive.