Earthquakes, Gigantic Cockroaches & Aliens

The day I was born there was a HUGE earthquake, my mother didn’t even have a chance to touch me before the earth jolted. She always said I was destined for great things because I literally shook the world as I was born.

I, on the other hand saw it as how the world branded me with the fear of earthquakes. To this day I will still have a panic attack and start crying if there is an earthquake. And yes, I am aware I am a 25 year old adult.

eyeroll

Besides earthquakes, I also have a fear of gigantic cockroaches and ALIENS! Lets just say the movie The Fourth Kind scarred me for the rest of my life; I can’t even look at owls without the hair on my neck standing up. (I was totally going to add an alien gif, but freaked out once I started searching for them HA)

We all have ridiculous things we are afraid of; my boyfriend (as tough as he acts) cannot be within a mile of a spider. I am the certified spider killer in the house, along with Sushi the cat but, he mostly just tries to make them his friends.

Other than all these not so scary, but yet I am terrified of things, I recently realized something else that I was terrified of was……

PEOPLE THINKING THAT I HAVE FAILED IN LIFE!!!

terrified

Recently going through some self recovery and changes in my life, I realized that I am terrified of everyone knowing that I did not graduate college and I am not living a fabulous life working in the fashion industry.

I do not post links to this blog on social media and I have not started my Youtube make-up tutorials because of this fear. I do want to blame social media, everyone and their mama showing off their lives of luxury and vacationing. I on the other had do my best to never leave the house and try to order everything I need off of Amazon, Ubereats and Postmates. If you do glance at my social media you will see the basic cat pictures and the wanna be positive life posts ( I have become one of those!!!)

Anyway, I was a very intelligent individual back in the day, everyone thought of me as excelling in life and living all my dreams! Now I am a 25 year old, NOT living the life of luxury and not where I expected to be. I imagined myself living in a fabulous loft in Downtown Los Angeles with a beautiful city view, spending my weekends wine tasting at some hipster art show and of course surrounded with an equally artistic group of adorned friends.

So, that is totally NOT where I am not right now in life but I have matured and grown a whole bunch and I can say that I am very happy with where I am now. Its the little things that make my days, fresh coffee in my turquoise Keurig, the happy chirps of my two cats, the sunlight that peaks in through my backdoor, waking up every morning next to the love of my vida. I have realized that it isn’t the material things and showing them off to everyone in life, boasting about how much money I have and driving a fancy car (but I do love my 2016 Lexus lol)

I can actually say that right now at 2:54pm on February 2, 2018 I am the happiest and most content with myself. I only have 1 friend right now and thats ok, it calms me knowing that I don’t have to have a lunch date with someone and just talk over each other about how fabulous everything is going right now in life. Even though I have accepted where I am at and I am happy, but I still can’t find the courage to show that to the world over social media. I know its not mandatory but I would love this blog to be read by others and not just myself.

If you have believe that you have failed then granted you have. But if you are happy and believe that there is no failure and just take that ugly word out of your personal dictionary, I can totally vouch that you will live a happier better life. It’s ok to be terrified of earthquakes, cockroaches and aliens, but NEVER be scared of how others view you. It will eat you up alive.

 

 

Samiekatt 

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I Like My Lipstick as Dark as My Soul

I am an “anti-social dreamer” as one of my long lost friend once told me. At 24, I hate crowded places and obnoxious people. My idea of real fun is some chili cheese fries, black leggings with a big ass shirt and some good old fashioned REALITY TV. I think I live vicariously through all these fake reality stars, not having to deal with crazy drama but being front seat at the cat fight is totally my kind of Friday night!

girl-fight

I tend to do everything alone, I don’t have any real friends. I do have my coworkers but I’m not counting them because they have families and kids and other friends and real lives AND actually have plans on the weekend. While I usually lay in bed till noon and force myself to clean the entire house so it feels like I was somewhat productive and then eat my feelings the rest of the day. I think my life has been like this since I was about 19 when I got in my first real fight (not physical) and pretty much lost connection with everyone.

So it has been 5 years of me, myself and I. 

In the beginning I was totally bitter and depressed hating my loner lifestyle and resenting my boyfriend for having a big group of friends, and always having someone to hang out with. I never wanted to hold him back from anything so I never gave him any grief for wanting some guy time to go hang out, race cars, drink beer, burp and whatever guys do.

Me on the other hand, I spent my time at the mall drowning my sorrows in a nice pair of knee high suede boots and of course sone Cinnabon. I would always make nice conversation with the girls that worked in the stores, complimenting them on outfits, asking where they got that awesome phone case and giving them my secrets to perfect winged eyeliner. But deep down I know they just wanted a sale and just wanted someone to talk to.

So it was a good 2 years of this, me wallowing in my self pity, gaining 20 pounds and having no clue how the hell to make friends in my 20’s. Honesty to this day I still ask, HOW THE HELL DO YOU MAKE FRIENDS?!

how

I went to makeup school and met some really wonderful girls that I had a great time in class with and totally hit it off. But even with exchanging numbers and letting them know that they can call me up anytime so we can hang out. I even made the effort of texting first but for some reason no luck.

I did have a best friend in high school that I occasionally hung out with even after we drifted far apart. But my texts got more frequent to hang out and her responses went from “definitely yes” to none. But when a favor was needed (pictures needed to be taken for a graduation) I was there to accept it with no pay and did it with a smile on my face. And what happened after you ask??? Never was spoken to again and I still don’t have my USB back.

My boyfriend and I had a mutual “couple” friend. The girlfriend and I clicked perfectly and we always coordinated group dates all together. We got pretty close and she said she didn’t have too much friend time since she has a child and has to take her everywhere, I told her call me anytime, I don’t mind just hanging at the house watching a movie or doing kid activities. We totally agreed and promised to hang out more. Soooo, what happened to that? Well, I’ll just say we probably went out twice alone and the other times other people were invited and I was left out as the 3 friend wheel.

I am still not quite sure where I went wrong on the friend train, did I get on the wrong one or miss my stop? I think I am hilarious (I sooo could have my own reality TV show just on that) I am a great secret keeper, I give awesome advice (wish I could take my own but eeh) I have amazing fashion sense (could be a professional personal shopper) things just don’t get boring with me. But hey, I could be wrong and maybe I am just my own biggest fan.

Whatevs I know I’m awesome

cool-cat-is-me

With all these no friend experiences,  I have developed into an antisocial character. I dread having to go visit family and converse about lame meaning less things. When they ask how you are you HAVE to say “good” or else you are doomed for a conversation about your lame life. My boyfriend says I have no soul now, I could care less about others. BUT I am still nice, respectful and a totally amazing actress you would never be able to tell I hate this conversation I am having with you. I will still talk shit about you to my cats.

Do not get me wrong, I do not hate AAALLLL human contact. I like it when I want it, other wise just remember Sushi knows everything about you and doesn’t like you either.

♥ Samiekatt ♥