Samantha, Sam, Sammy, Samie, Sammie, SamieKatt (as all my social media shows) or Samantha Allison-Marie, as my mother would say when I was in deep shit. Either way, it’s the same to me.
But, who am I?
What does my life bring to this world that makes it so God damn interesting for me to post it on world wide web for all to display? Well, to the huge audience of (probably) 2 people reading this and my cats… Nothing really. I am just your average 24 year old involuntary college drop out (as my WordPress site displays) living in 2017; where no matter how hard I work I cannot afford to buy a house in Los Angeles or keep up with all the social media memes. I am stuck in the limbo of trying to adult and holding on to that last string of being a child like every one else in my generation.
I am a cat lover or crazy cat lady, I wear that hashtag proudly
I have probably have made over 50 million grammatical errors in this excerpt, despite it only being a few sentences long.
I go through fits of inspiration and creativity that soon are defeated by re-watches of American Horror Story on Netflix.
I have tried to resurrect this blog from the dead over 25 times in the past year.
I was a genius in high school with a 4.0, high honors, AP classes, yearbook editor-in-chief, youth group founder, that balanced extra curricular activities better than my cat stands on his hind legs (and he does that pretty damn well)
I spend my time buying inspiration books about the law of attraction but end up binge reading Gillian Flynn’s book Gone Girl.
Every Monday for the past 3 years is the first day that I start a “diet” but, end up consuming a cheese burger with grilled onions and animal fries from my local In N Out on Tuesday.
I have 2 cats: Wasabi, the satanic version of me that is the equivalent of my “would be” pay back child and Sushi the innocent, spoiled, sweet soul I used to be.
I work an over full time job that I am constantly trying to get hit by a car or abducted by aliens so I won’t ever have to go back to.
I have absolutely no friends outside of my squad of totally cool coworkers, who have families and real friends to see outside of the 50 hour work week.
I am not close to anyone in my family; but my mom and step-dad weekly send me religious bible verses that sum up to me going to hell and my dad occasionally texts me to see if I have not been kidnapped and held hostage by criminals. I am pretty sure that my neighbors chihuahua would get a better ransom if he was help hostage; work would just ask me if I was still coming in.
I have been in a 7 year relationship that I cannot believe how freaking fast the years went by and I have not suffocated him with a pillow in his sleep. I’m just kidding I love him, but I have been reading Gone Girl too much and totally think I could have gotten away with it.
So, summing it all up I am an anti-social, loner, crazy cat lady who dropped out of college, involuntarily (but we’ll get to that in another story.) I hope that I can keep this blog going and have some sense of commitment to something other than that of my daily binge watching of bad reality TV shows on Hulu. My goal is to keep this blog filled with useless information about me, really hilarious stories of my embarrassing life, and anything else that pops into my 1,000,000,000 thought per second mind. Oh, and of course I will try to add a dash of annoying cat pictures.
Thank you to the 2 people reading this (probably my co-workers that I have forwarded this link to) and my diabolic cats that I have force read this out loud to 27 times.